What is it that holds us back from change?

What prevents us from stepping away from that which is holding us back, and growing into our highest potential?

Fear?

Habit?

Laziness?

Self Confidence?

I was listening to a lecture by David Lapin where he was addressing this idea. He discusses that the greatest enemy of change is Comfort.

When we are comfortable with our situation change is completely impossible. Fear, habit, laziness and self confidence are things we can more easily pinpoint. Comfort is the most devious because we are oblivious to the possibility that there is even something in our life that requires change.

There is a experiment that was done with frogs back in the 1800’s. If you dropped a frog into a pot of boiling water, it would jump out immediately. But if you put the frog in a cold pot of water and slowly increased the heat, the the frog would not even notice the temperature change and die before it even had a chance to realize the trouble it was in.  Being in a constant state of comfort is that slow boiling of the water. If we are not careful we might reach the end of our life and not even realize the deadly path we had taken ourselves down.

If comfort is holding us back from change what can we do?

The opposite of comfort is DIScomfort and the more extreme pain. Discomfort/Pain are the propellers of change.

How should we perceive pain?  Positively.  When we experience pain it is a message that change needs to happen. The discomfort tells us to stop think, and change your course of action.

Imagine not being able to experience any pain. Do you think that would be something wonderful?

There is a rare disease called CIPA where the patient doesn’t feel any pain, heat or cold.

I found an article
American girl feels no pain and smiles to her own blood
Here’s a piece from it.

“When the girl was 12 months, she could easily bite her own finger off and feel no pain at all. When she was three years old, she put her hand on a red-hot oven, and burnt her skin. Parents were shocked, when they saw blood all over the kitchen, while their daughter was sitting there smiling. The girl can also bite her tongue through when she eats. “This is not a gift from heaven, this is a curse!” the girl’s mother exclaims.”

Most patients with CIPA die by the age of 25.

In truth it is our ability to feel discomfort and pain that help us to live, long, healthy and vibrant lives.

If I’ve been comfortable up until now. How do I begin to feel discomfort?

The first step is to take time to remove the distractions. Movies, watching sports, TV are vehicles that we use to distract us from change. Though on occasion these pastimes can be entertaining, if done on a daily basis they are just a way for us to turn off our minds and avoid thinking of the tough things in life.

So pick a time in the day that you are going to turn off the distractions and begin to think and feel. Be in a quite space and just take the time to think. Think about your past, your future, your present.  Pay attention to the feelings inside you as you reflect on your life.

When you come upon something that brings about discomfort. You might feel a sinking feeling in your stomach or a tightening in your chest, you might even begin to cry. When you come upon that feeling embrace it. Take the time to dwell in it. Try to discover its source. The pain is there because it wants to send you a message for change. Try to analyze the source and see where you can make changes.

Now there is a cautionary note. Remember that pain is a vehicle for change. It is not a destination.  When you feel a discomfort it is an opportunity to make change and move into a state of feeling good. There are those that think that pain is the place to be and the spend all there time there. Don’t wallow in pain. This is not about feeling sorry for yourself and having pity parties.

Feel the discomfort and change now.

If a smoker is in the middle of a heart attack. He will not take another drag from his cigarette he will quit now. He will not say I’ll stop smoking tomorrow.

Today is the time to take action, to make your commitments.
Saying I will start tomorrow is the same as saying “I’m never going to do it”

Effective use of discomfort will help change today. Living with your intellect will cause you to try and change tomorrow.
But that is just a way of pushing it off till the pain goes away and tomorrow becomes comfortable.

In the past few months I have been going through a coaching process to build and define my coaching practice. In this process I have had to spend time doing assessments and sending out surveys. I have also had to spend a significant amount of time processing much of the information that has been gathered and doing some deep reflecting in order to move forward.

One of the projects though incredibly simple in design and implementation was by far the most beneficial.  It took me to a new level of self awareness and was a catalyst in launching me forward towards my personal and professional success.

Now the frustrating thing is, that I can’t tell you about this powerful  process in this post.  

It’s not because it’s top secret or copyrighted.

It’s because if I tell you about it YOU WON’T DO IT.

“Rob. What are you talking about if you know of something that is going to improve my life an business, of course I will do it.”

Though you might be one of the few that would do it, the vast majority wont. In fact I am paying over $3000 for the full coaching process and when the task was given to me I didn’t even want to do it.  The only reason I did do it was because I was paying for a process and I wasn’t going to flush my hard earned money down the toilette.

Even after the fact, knowing how powerful this idea is, I still would not do it unless I was paying for it.

So the reality is if you want to know about this you are going to have to pay for it.

If you want to do something that is going to rocket you forward in your personal and professional life then you will have to contact me for more details.

You have my personal guarantee that if it doesn’t change your life you will get your money back, but you will have to commit to completing the full task.

You can either contact me via email   robmoshe(at)gmail(dot)com

or respond to this post.

Your best self awaits,

Rob

You’ve read so much.

“Think and Grow Rich” - Napoleon Hill

“The Magic of Thinking Big” - David Schwartz

“Creating Wealth” - Robert Allen

“Unlimited Power” - Anthony Robbins

“The Go-Giver” - Bob Burg and John David Mann

and so much more.

To your frustration you don’t find yourself so much further ahead than before you started reading. You’re wondering why you ever bothered reading these books in the first place, you can’t even talk about them at parties. Who wants to here your success opinions if you are not succeeding?

I’m going to share with you a three step approach that will not only move you toward success but will also save you money on books and possibly shrink your library.

What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.
- King Solomon

Step 1: It’s time to FOCUS

Have you ever reflected on how so many success books start with the same forward “Why another book on success”?

They all say the same thing. The title may be different, the text arranged in story format or pictures, but at the end of the day the message is more or less the same.
So why do the authors keep writing and we keep buying? You read a book, think the ideas are great. A few months later you see another book, you know that you have a success book at home on the shelf, but your situation hasn’t improved, so you figure it probably wasn’t that good and you decide that maybe this one will do the trick.  Wrong.

There is little wrong with the book (especially if you enjoyed it), what is needed is a shift in your approach.

So for step one lets begin to focus ourselves.  Choose a book from your shelf that you really enjoyed. The ideas were strong and the reading was easy. Next get out a highlighter a pen and some paper. The more you engage yourself in the book the more you will get out of it.

As you read the book highlight ideas that stand out to you. Make notes on each chapter, put it in your own words. The ideas in a 150+ page book can be  condensed to around 10 pages. Take ownership of the ideas, reflect on them and work with them till they become your own.

The goal is not to cover as much ground as possible. Read one chapter at a time and really “Get it”. If you cant write out the concept in the chapter in a short sentence then go back through it until you can.

When you finish this process the concepts in the book will no longer belong exclusively to the author, they will also have become yours.

Step 2: Lets Take Action

Knowing is not enough; we must apply! - Goethe

Action is the ultimate key to your success. The reason books don’t bring us success is because we read read each chapter, like the ideas and action steps, say that we will apply them after we finish the book, finish the book put it on the shelf and forget about it. Its like getting a membership to every fitness club in the city, never going and then complaining that you are not in shape.

You have to have to apply the knowledge for it to become valuable.

So the next step in our process is to decide what to take action on. Well if you have gone through the first step, then you have some great notes and ideas on how to build your success. Go through your notes and pick three action steps that you want to focus on for the next week. When you have picked the ideas right them down on a sheet, putting the three action steps at the top of the page. Below the actions steps make a 3 X 7 table with enough room to write down a few sentences in the boxes.

Before you go to bed reflect on the action step and state your intention to develop them within your self, and in the morning do the same thing. Be aware through out the day of opportunities to apply these action steps, because the opportunities for success are always there. At the end of the day reflect on how you applied each action step, what you could improve, and what you did well. Repeat the process for a week and then add 3 more action steps. By the time a month has passed you will have taken 12-15 action steps and you will be seeing greater success.

Step 3: Accountability
If action is the key, then accountability is the lock. Action is so important you can’t move forward without it, but if you try to put the wrong key in the lock the door wont open.
There are to areas of accountability:

1. To the process - You are going to ensure that your focus and action is properly directed. You will be accountable in making sure that you choose a path and stick to it.is ensuring that your focus and action are directed towards your goal.
2. To Yourself - you have made the commitment to take action. Don’t let yourself down.

So in this final step you will need to find a way to be accountable to the process and to yourself. Accountability in the process means reflecting weekly on the overall approach you have decided to take, and to make sure that you are not negatively modifying the process. Negatively modifying means changing the process because you are lazy and looking for excuses. If you see there is a way to make the process more effective then cautiously modify.

Being accountable to yourself can be accomplished in a few ways;

You can set up strong reward motivations for your self (A new outfit, a day at the spa, concert, etc.) to help you stay on track.
Maybe when you tell others this keeps you accountable.
Blog about it.
State your commitment 2-3 times a day.
There you have it.
The end of ill used reading has arrived. The simple process of Focus, Action, Accountability, will prevent your books from becoming dusty paper weights and book end, and transform them in to powerful tools for growth and success.

Read On.

In the last post we began discussing about how money can buy happiness. We started of with Investing in Yourself.  By improving mind body and spirit, you devolope this skills, strength and perspective to get more out of life.

The next sage is investing in others.

Investing in Others

As you could see from the quotes in my resent post  You Get What You Give, fulfillment, success and happiness come from giving to others. We can have all the knowledge in the world, but if we have no one to share it with, if we are all alone then the knowledge is almost worthless.

Investing in your relationships with others is one of the keys to generating the great returns in happiness. Keep in mind when reading the following ideas that it is not just about spending money on others, it is only an investment when the money spent is done with the proper intention.

There are three areas in investing in others:

Investing in your family and friend.

• Cards and thoughtful presents.
  •  Take the time to remember a birthday, special occasion, or even a get well card.
  • Buy gifts that show you think about the person and care enough to buy something that you know they will appreciate.
  • Buy you children gifts “just because”.
    • little toys, books or sweets that show you were thinking of them that day
  • Buy your spouse gifts”just because”.
    • Men buy your wife flowers, chocolates, or anything else they like.
    • Women buy your husband little presents based on his likes; sports, gardening, outdoors, politics, etc.
  • When invited to a somones house bring a nice bottle of wine, flowers, game, etc.
• Have annual family gatherings.
  • Eat, play, share, laugh and cry.

Investing in your community.

• Sponsor and Volunteer at community events (plays, sport team, educations, community beautification).
• Hire the neighbors kid to cut the grass.
• Be a big brother or sister. Though this is a volunteer project, treat the kids as if they were your own sibling. Take them to movies, baseball games, birthday presents. Make them feel like a family member and you will change their lives.
• Find people who are in need in your community and give charity.
  • By donating money.
  • By investing in them to build a business or learn a skill.

Investing in humanity.

If you don’t have a charity account I  highly suggest setting one up.  Set aside 10% (Tithing) of your money to give to those in need and to support worthy causes.  Giving charity is one of the greatest investment, it is a constant reminder that no matter how much money I am making and no matter how focused I am on myself, I need to direct a percentage of my efforts to others, to care about all of humanity.

Once you have set aside charity, look for opportunities to give it away:

• Online donations.
• Kids Selling Chocolate.
• International rescue efforts.
• Save the environment
• Help people in third world countries.
• Support higher learning

To caveats. You don’t have to give large sums and don’t be mindless in your giving.

When I hear about something that I can give towards and there is an online donation, I go online and donate $5. Though it may not seem like much, there are thousands of people giving those small donations and they add up. By giving that little donation I connect myself to something much bigger.

If there are causes that you really want to give to then go ahead.

Happiness is on its way

Throug investing in yourself - mind, body and spirit - and investing in others by giving of your time and resources you open channels that bring success, prosperity and happiness into your live. As you can see the money itself does not buy the happiness, it is the directing of money towards endevors whose devidends have the power to bring life long happiness.

Have a great weekend filled with happiness,

Rob Moshe