Rob Moshe

This post was written back in 08, but some things never go out of style.

If you are getting ready to read a post about products you can buy for that ’special someone’ this coming Valentines Day, click back or do another search on Google.

This post is my thoughts on a non or less commercial approach to the day. These gifts are free, and at the same time rare and priceless.

Here are my 4 Top Gifts For Valentines Day.

Love

Though this may seem obvious, given that the theme of the day is expressing your love, it can easily turn into something done out of a sense of obligation. Take some time to prepare for the day. For the rest of the week spend a few moments each day (you don’t have to watch all the commercials) reflecting on your love for that special person. Really build the awareness so when the day arrives your love is truly felt. Be purposeful in directing your love.

Sincerity

When you have that person you love and you are now strongly aware of that love, be sincere in your expression. Don’t buy a last minute gift, or something that you like (ie. superimpose your tastes on them). Take the time to pick something that shows your appreciation of the person, and that you care enough to buy something that is significant to that person (guys, lingerie is not the favored gift). And remember its not how much you spend but what you spend it on. A picture collage of special moments in a simple frame can be more meaningful then a diamond eternity ring (don’t worry she’ll still like the ring)

Compassion/Sensitivity

Unfortunately there may be people that you know that are not on another persons Valentines radar. Every HUMAN being needs to feel loved, respected and valued, and if they are within your range of view they should be able to feel that from you. With this in mind I would like to suggest two things. One, choose a random acquaintance and recognize them on V-Day. Two, it is not possible to recognize everyone so be sensitive to someone that might not have any Valentines. Don’t go around comparing with others what you got, it might make others feel uncomfortable and left out. The day should be the recognition of love between two people, not a “look what great present I got” day.

Compassion and Sensitivity is a great way to express love for your fellow man.

Commitment

No this doesn’t mean that you should pressure him into marriage or talk about moving in together. Commitment means you show that this expression of love is something more than a one in 365 day event. Love is something that should be expressed on a regular basis. This doesn’t mean that you need to buy him/her presents regularly. It means an ongoing recognition that the person is special in your life.

Ways that you can show love on a regular basis :

• Greet your partner at the door with a warm smile/hug.
• Stop what you are doing (watching the game/playing on the computer) and give your full attention.
• Call in the middle of the day just to say “I love you“
• Buy a nice card just because, and write something sweet (yes you can be sweet)
• Say I love you (The obvious is often the most missed)
• Bring home her favorite chocolate
• Bring home his favorite sports magazine
• Candle light dinner.
• Go out on a date (more for married couples)

These are just some of the ideas that I have. Please share some of your own.

As you can see these gifts are not exclusive to Valentines Day, and for those that think that V-day is the only time to express your love and affection, Then you are looking for love in all the wrong places.

I’ve been speaking with peers on different ideas for projects we’d like to begin. For the most part we are all in the same phase of our projects, the procrastination phase.

The hardest part in any task is starting. The difficulty lays it trying to change our set patterns; we are attempting to add something new.

This can be scary, as not many people like to step out of their comfortable routines.

I suggest finding the smallest, easiest task to complete and just do it. After you complete the first task, pick the next task up. Continue this process, and soon you’ll find your project nearing completion and you’ll be doing things that in the beginning you were too afraid to touch.

Accomplishing your goals can be like rolling a snowball down a hill. In the beginning it’s only a tiny snowball, not much to look at, but as you roll it down it begins to grow. Soon it has become so large that it moves on its own momentum. It carries itself.

However, if you don’t take the first step you’ll never get anywhere.

Recent studies have shown that it is far easier to create new habits then it is to try and break old ones. In fact the act of trying to break an old habit causes you to focus on it, which leads to a re-enforcement of the habit. Better to focus on something totally different.

Take action now!

This article discusses not only the power, but the absolute necessity of employing your gift of imagination to achieve success.

Baseball Example

Our community baseball team made it to the finals this year as the top team, and the finals are best of three.

In the first game we got crushed. The first inning was almost comical, but the majority of our team didn’t find it very funny. In fact with that one inning we went from the posturing of a top team to that of a defeated back-lot bunch.

Entering our second game, we tried to get our momentum back, but you could see in the faces of our team members that we did not believe we could prevail.

Needless to say, though we played a stronger game the second time, we lost that game too and the championship. I could say that they defeated us, but the truth is that we defeated ourselves.

Why am I telling you about my baseball game?

For me, I treat much of my life as a learning lab. I get curious how I act and how others act in any given situation. Because I didn’t take the game personally (I like to have fun), I was able to step outside myself and see how I was reacting.

I have discovered if I visualized how I would look and think if I was a top player, I could actually perform closer to that level. I tried it in this particular game and hit a nice double.

But what I found more interesting (and the focus of this post) was how others perceived themselves.

During the game I suggested to one of our top hitters — who wasn’t hitting very well — to visualize what he would look like performing at his best. I did this with the hope that it would get him into the ZONE. He replied that he was NOT a visualizer, that he had had a trainer try that with him before, and that he just didn’t have the capability to visualize.

What was interesting was that a few minutes later he was talking about something from the past and you could see how his whole persona changed. He was smiling, his eyes had a sparkle, and he was standing taller. He didn’t even realize that he was visualizing.

Unfortunately when he got up to bat he was not seeing himself at his best. He struck out and the game was over.

Intention and Visualization

Before you can take an action, it must first start as an intention in your mind. Even when you do something unconsciously your mind is still actively initiating this process.

What is interesting to note is that our minds work in images not in text. If I say the word “Airplane” your mind does not start typing A, i, r, p, l, a, n, e. Instead you suddenly think of an airplane that is familiar to you. That’s why, if you read any book on memory techniques the focus is almost always on visualization.

With that understanding you can begin to move past the statement, I am not good at visualizing things. The very fact that you’re reading this post right now, demonstrates that you have the capability to visualize. If you couldn’t visualize, then all that you would see is incoherent rows of letters.

Realizing that all your actions are preceded by your mind seeing the required process, what do you need to do in order to improve your likelihood of success? Exactly. Create the right visualization..

You may be thinking, “What if what I’m visualizing can’t be done?”

Let me relate the story of Roger Bannister.

History and science indicated that it was impossible for a human body to run a mile in under four minutes. Roger Bannister understood that he could not physically push his body past its limitations, but he believed that his mind could surpass them. Bannister spent much time visualizing himself break past the four-minute barrier. Eventually the image became so embedded in his mind that when the time came to race, his mind took his body into the reality that it perceived.

Spend time reflecting on the many inventions of the past 50 years. 200 years ago these were just fantasies in peoples minds. All that we imagine has become or is on its way to becoming reality.

So, you may want to invent a new type of energy to power our cities, to greatly improve your business, or to weaken a bad habit.

How can you implement visualization to help you do this?

Reflecting Forward

One of the processes I use to help my clients is an exercise I call reflecting forward.

I ask the client to follow these six steps:

1. Be clear on your intention – What is it that you want to accomplish? What will its accomplishment do for you?

2. Decide how long would you would like this to take – Be realistic. How long do you think it should take you to work towards your objective?

3. Close your eyes and visualize yourself at that point in the future, having achieved your desired goal – You might vividly see this in your mind’s eye or it might be just an awareness. Visualization does not require seeing in detail.

4. Interview your future self – Ask your future self the steps that he took to achieve the desired goal. What where the hurdles? What were the lessons learned? What would he do if he could do it over again?

5. Return to the present and create an action plan – You have the insight of visualization; now create a concrete plan around it.

6. Take immediate action – To breath life into your endeavor, make sure you take action within the following 24 hours. Otherwise it will end up becoming a mere dream.

Conclusion

Remember that in order to create success, you have to be able to visualize it. You need to trust that you have the talents and abilities to accomplish your desired goal.

To paraphrase Dr. David Schwartz in his book, The Magic Of Thinking Big:

If you can perceive and believe, you can achieve.

When’s the last time you saw a magician and thought to yourself “Whoa. He must have super natural powers!”

Most likely part of your might mind was thinking “Cool” and the other was thinking “What tool and slight of hand did the magician employ?”

To the magician there is no magic. He knows exactly what is happening. He uses his knowledge of technology, physics and human understanding to perform the trick.

So to in life, we may look at someones success and think there is an element of magic or luck in it. Especially when we feel that we should have more success than the person we are evaluating.

But in most cases there is no magic or luck there either. The successful person has been able to optimize their G-d given talents to move forward in their life.

What’s holding you back from your success is the inability to recognize your personal “Bag of Tricks”.

In coaching clients I so often here statements like;

• I never recognized that in myself.
• You’re right. I have accomplished a lot in my life so far.
• Oh yeah I forgot about that time.
• I don’t know what I am good at.
• Yeah. I do have that going for me.
• I guess I do have many strengths.

One of my favorite processes to help clients to reconnect with their strength is to have them share a “Freeze Frame” in their life when they felt they were completely in The Zone.
As the client tells me about the Frame, I listen for their strengths and values, I also ask the client to share what they thought some of the strengths they used at the time were.

It is rewarding to see the clients begin to brighten up when they begin to realize that they have the ability to accomplish so much more.

When you begin to realize the strengths and gifts that lie within, you will begin to move in a new direction, a place were what in the past seemed impossible, is now fully attainable.
You will begin to truly believe in magic. The magic that is you.