Every year there is a strange event in Pamplona, Spain, it is called “The Running of the Bulls”.
First they dump the bulls into a river which really ticks them off, then the crowds of people prod and chase them down a long crowded street, and as the bulls run down the street the people throw rocks and hit them with sticks, and basically do everything in their power to torture and aggravate these poor animals. The bulls arrive at the stadium where they are caged and continue to be antagonized. Finally a bull is released into the stadium, and before he has a chance to calm down the Matador comes out waiving his RED cape. For some reason this brings the bull into a total rage and he charges the Matador. Unfortunately for the bull the Matador also has a sword, and he uses it to slowly kill the bull, a stab here a slash there and the bull eventually collapses from exhaustion, and blood loss. With a flair of showmanship the Matador runs the sword through the bulls heart. If the bull where to have a thought in that last moment, it might have been “I really shouldn’t have gotten worked up over a silly red cape!”
You get up in the morning ready for a fine day, just as you are getting up from the table you knock your coffee over and it spills on your crisp white shirt and freshly pressed pants (argh). You change in to yesterday’s suit because the rest are at the drycleaners. Now you are late and in a bad mood. You get on the packed subway, and a woman in stiletto heals backs up onto your foot, a kid with an overstuffed knapsack knocks into your briefcase and it pops open causing your reports for the boss, to fall to the ground, oh yeah I forgot it was raining and the ground was wet. Wrinkled sore and irritated you get to your office to find a teenage boy in a RED shirt sitting at your desk playing with your computer. You loose it you verbally blast the boy and harshly send him crying from your office. Ends up it’s the boss son (the sword). I hear McDonalds is hiring.
If in a calm and objective state of mind we reflect on the times were we have lost our cool, and we evaluate the triggers, the red capes as it were, that set us off, we would realize that they were quite silly things that never should have gotten us going.
Why do we get angry in the first place, and how can we control ourselves in these situations?
I think one of the main reasons we get angry is because we tend to take EVERYTHING personally. In our own minds we are superstars. When we are walking down the street talking on the phone and reading our blackberry and someone knocks into us we think “Why doesn’t’ that person watch were they our going. I’m an important man doing important things. They have some nerve.”
When we come into this world we think that everything revolves around us, creation is here to serve our every need. Unfortunately we don’t completely grow out of it.
So for starters start cultivating the awareness that the world isn’t created for us alone. There are other people that also have their own tasks to fulfill. Next start noticing the RED capes that get you angry. When you begin to get angry ask yourself it this really something to get mad about or is it just a silly thing that I am taking personally. If its not worth getting angry over take a deep breath say to yourself “this is not worth getting angry about, I am now going to regain my calm and composure.”, and just let it go.
One other thing I recommend is to find a situation where you often find yourself getting angry and dedicate your energy to remaining calm. I do this with Sqaush (the Sport not the food). It often happened that my opponent would make bad calls that would aggravate the heck out of me, and completely throw me off my game. I decided that I would try to just let things slide. Whether he was write or wrong it was just a game, nothing worth getting wound up over. So from that point on whenever my opponent made what I thought was a bad call, I wouldn’t get mad or argue I would just let it slide, and when I would make a call that may opponent didn’t like, I wouldn’t become defensive, I would just let it slide.
Though occasionally I slip, for the most part I don’t get angry in our games any more, and as a result of it I have to great benefits. One, my game has improved because I can stay more focused whey I am calm, and two I find that this attitude has spilled over into other areas of my life, and I have begun to remain calm in situations that it the past would have caused anger and frustration.
Fortunately for us we are not bulls, we have the ability to consciously choose how we will respond in any situation. Choose to work on becoming a calm person. Choose to not be effected by RED capes. Good luck.
(Updated July 26,2009)
Coaching Questions:
What are the things that seem to spark me off?
How are my reactions related to my energy levels?
What is going through my mind when I begin to get angry?
What can I focus on in order to remain calm?
What would it mean to me to remain calm in any situation?
How can staying calm enhance my relationships?
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