Rob Moshe

Coming from a Coach this is a surprising statement. I’m supposed to have  a positive relationship with you, hold you as creative resourceful and whole, and be highly focused on helping you think.

Whats the meaning here?

Last night was a busy night. I had to leave by 7:30 and my wife was having a group of moms come over to prepare loot bags for a school program. The kids that bed time was the time to fight over everything and through endless tantrums. By 7:15 our patience was really starting to wear thin. By 7:20 we were starting (lets say more in the middle) to lose our cool.

Now the fighters and tantrum throwers are 7 and 5 years old. And even though we sometimes expect them to act like adults, the reality is they are normal healthy kids and fighting and tantrums are part of what they do.

So why do two adults loose their cool over this?

One of the thoughts that came to my mind was that we were getting frustrated because we were concerned about what others were going to think.

You see for us the best response would have been to ignore the kids while they were having a cow. There is no communicating with them when they are in this state. They would eventually calm down and then we could get them to bed.  But because guests were coming we needed to stop this right away, because we can’t have our kids acting this way when they arrive. What would they think??

So we got frustrated, we raised our voices they raised their voices, they tantrumed more we got frustrated more and by the time we finally got them into bed we were all drained and irritable.

Why?  Because We cared about what other would think.

If we didn’t care we would have taken the better approach. The tantruming might have been shorter and the interactions healthier, by the time the kids got to sleep we would have been more relaxed and less exhausted. The learning experience would have been much better for the kids as well.

Sometimes we will break our standards, step out of alignment with our values and goals because we are worried about What others will think? We are so concerned with their interpretation of what they see that we are willing to sacrifice the best paths in our life’s journey.  Not only do we prevent our own growth, but the frustration of being out of alignment causes us to not function at peak performance in other areas of our life as well. When our mind is in a negative state it is hard to accomplish much positive.

So though it is important to care and respect our fellow man. When it comes to making the right choices in life, sometimes you cant give a Damn what they think.

Let me share the power of Professional Coaching with you. Sign up for a free session at www.ProBonoCoaching.com

Think of five non-fashion things in your life that you bought and use- My guess is that no one had to sell it to you.

Now think of five non-fashion things that you bought, but had to be SOLD ON. – I bet they are in a closet gathering dust.

It’s amazing that business builders and buyers don’t catch on to this amazing subtlety.

Biz Builders

If you have to SELL the customer, they don’t want it.

Buyers

If you have to be SOLD you don’t want it.

If we could integrate this awareness three great things would happen:

1. There would be know more annoying sales people.

2. We would have more money to buy the things we do want.

3. We would have less junk in our homes gathering dust. – (If you do have this junk throw it out now! It will be very freeing)

So what’s the key to building a successful business where people will buy your products and services?

Find something that relates to what you are passionate about.
Something that has value to you and others.

When you apply your energy to that which you are passionate about, and that thing has values to others, you know longer have to sell, you can just share.

I’ll give you an example.

The Sellers

Some popular lines might be:

“I run a consulting company, which helps other organizations and companies start and expand their business.”

or

“I help people realize their financial dreams, using proven business strategies”

There is a article here showing horrendous tips.

Translation:

I would like you to get involved in my network marketing business and sell Mops/Supplements/Feminine Product (I had to put this one in because someone in Twitter was trying to convince me how much I needed them)

Another pitch might be.

“Hey Baldy. You want to be able to pick up the ladies. Well you need this spray on hair.”
Translation: I’m going to play on your low self esteem so I can get you to spray paint on your head.

A big clue that you are being sold is that the seller is being vague or targeting your insecurities.

The Sharers

The originators of internet search engines:

I would imagine that the people who developed search engines had a desire to see things more organized and functional on line, and their passion was to figure it out.

Most search engines that have come on the scene are free and only because they have grown through their value, have begun to monetize via advertising.

Successful Fast Food Restaurants:

Love for making quality food. Created added value to customers by getting it to them fast.

A personal example:

About a year and a half ago I entered the world of personal coaching. I get energized from helping others achieve their best. When I meet people in person, I don’t give them any sales pitches, I usually focus on them. In most cases a person will ask me what I do, and only at that point I share that I am a Life Coach. If they ask me what that is, I share. If the ask me more about it, I share. If they want examples I share. And when they hire me as a coach I serve and share.
If after I tell them what I do, they don’t ask more questions, then we go on to the next subject. I share if asked. I don’t try to push my services on others.

So what are your next steps?

1. Discover the things you are passionate about – Not everything can be monetized. Some of our passions are just things that give us personal value in life.

2. Choose a passion that is of value to others – Whether a product or service. Clarify what the value is for other people. Not everyone is going to have the same passion as you, but as the internet has shown you that there are enough people to fill almost all the passion niches.

3. Share your passion – Don’t force, push, or deceive. Just be passionate about what you do, and when asked share with others.

Apply these techniques and you will see that there is no need to sell. You customer will come to you because they want more of what you were willing to share.

Coaching questions to help you discover your passion:

What do you value?

What do you enjoy doing?

What are your hobbies?

What discussion topics get you energized?

What would you enjoy doing, even if there was no pay?

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Imagine buying the latest best seller and when you open it up you see a bunch of hand written pages. Incoherent structure, spelling and grammatical errors, illegible words.

How about watching a movie or play? To many characters, to few characters, confusing story line, no ending.

Or how about building a house of the architects first drawing? Can you say money pit?

Would you fly in a plane that was built using the first draft? Do you think it would get off the ground.

If in all of the above examples it’s a no brain-er that we would want to benefit from the polished copy, with all the editing, testing, and corrections made.

So why in our own lives do we settle for living it in Rough Draft?

• You wake up one morning and decide that you want to get your days in order. You spend 30 minutes, deciding how your days should run. You finish it, feel good about your effort and start implementing it. Barely a month passes and your life still feels chaotic and you are not accomplishing your life’s goals.

• Do a search in your email account. Is it full of easy online business opportunities. You’ve put the money in, some of them might be on monthly auto-pay and you don’t even realize that your credit card is being billed monthly. A pile of half finished un-followed pointless businesses. Are they making you any money? Did you really want to be doing them? Were they someone else’s dream?

It’s Time To Edit:

When it comes to editing written works. We take out our or spelling, grammar and structure tools.

With buildings an machines we take out our math and physics tools.

So what tools do you take out to edit your life?

In Coaching, some of the main life editing tools we help the client develop are the tools of:

• Values
• Strengths
• Meta Goals
• Inner Critic Awareness.

When you are clear on your values and strengths, it helps you to clearly define your meta goals.With the awareness of your Inner Critic you are able to become more conscious of when you are sabotaging yourself and moving out of alignment with your life’s objectives.

Though it is difficult to properly cover all these tools in an article. If you are interested there is a questionnaire designed by Dr. Martin Seligman on Authentic Happiness . Under the heading Engagement Questionnaires: there is the VIA Signature Strengths Questionnaire.  The survey helps to give you a sense of your top 24 strengths and is a useful tool in creating strategies to accomplish your goals. I often ask my clients to fill out this survey before we begin coaching.

When you are about to get into a business or organize and area of your life, you can use these four tools to help you decide your next steps.

Using these tools, you can take the Rough Drafts of your life and edit them to polished perfection.

Coaching Questions:

Do I know what my top Values and Strengths are?

What are MY Meta-Goals?

How might my Inner Critic be interfering with my goals?

Does my current plan align with my top Values?

How can I design a strategy that works to my strengths?