Hard To Create What Will Be While Living In If Only…

A better life No Comments »

Enjoying a reflective walk in the forest with a client yesterday, I noticed that several times he used the phrase If only.

Today as I was sitting at my computer, and as a result of a recent email, I checked a quote for a stock I once had invested in. When I sold it, I made a profit. It eventually went down to 50 cents, but today it was trading $5.

I immediately found myself thinking, If only I had kept that stock. If only I had bought more shares when it was at 50 cents.

If only… If only.

What are some of your If onlys?

  • If only I would have married…
  • If only I would have dated…
  • If only I would have studied…
  • If only I would have chosen…
  • If only I had… I could have had…

Where does this type of thinking lead you?

Returning to the Past

Probably back into the past. It reminds you of choices you could have made and failures that resulted from not having made that set of choices. Perhaps it leaves you feeling frustrated or depressed, because you’re not nearly as far along as you’d like to be.

How well does this type of thinking serve you? How well does it help you get closer to achieving your goals and dreams?

As you take a moment to reflect, I am sure you realize that being frustrated with the If only’s  and What ifs of your past doesn’t serve you in a positive way. Living with past disappointments holds you back from achieving successes in the future.

So what can you do if struck by an If only?

ROAR

I’m not suggesting that you pretend you’re a lion and roar away, although I wouldn’t be surprised if that released some endorphins, made you smile and increased your overall feeling of well being.

Reflect – Take your self back to the situation. Try to understand what thoughts and feelings were at play when you made your choices.

Options – If a similar situation were to present itself again, what choices might you make? What thoughts and emotions might you draw upon?

Action – Once you decide the options that would work best, what will be your action plan when a similar situation would present itself in the future.

Reflect Forward – Imagine a time in the future when this situation presents itself again. See yourself taking Action on the Options  you have chosen. Spend the time to savor the feelings that arise from this forward reflective process.

By going through this type of process, you free yourself from the negative life impact of living in the past and instead harness your life learning to drive yourself forward to future successes.

Key To Success – Visualization

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Visualization

This article discusses not only the power, but the absolute necessity of employing your gift of imagination to achieve success.

Baseball Example

Our community baseball team made it to the finals this year as the top team, and the finals are best of three.

In the first game we got crushed. The first inning was almost comical, but the majority of our team didn’t find it very funny. In fact with that one inning we went from the posturing of a top team to that of a defeated back-lot bunch.

Entering our second game, we tried to get our momentum back, but you could see in the faces of our team members that we did not believe we could prevail.

Needless to say, though we played a stronger game the second time, we lost that game too and the championship. I could say that they defeated us, but the truth is that we defeated ourselves.

Why am I telling you about my baseball game?

For me, I treat much of my life as a learning lab. I get curious how I act and how others act in any given situation. Because I didn’t take the game personally (I like to have fun), I was able to step outside myself and see how I was reacting.

I have discovered if I visualized how I would look and think if I was a top player, I could actually perform closer to that level. I tried it in this particular game and hit a nice double.

But what I found more interesting (and the focus of this post) was how others perceived themselves.

During the game I suggested to one of our top hitters — who wasn’t hitting very well — to visualize what he would look like performing at his best. I did this with the hope that it would get him into the ZONE. He replied that he was NOT a visualizer, that he had had a trainer try that with him before, and that he just didn’t have the capability to visualize.

What was interesting was that a few minutes later he was talking about something from the past and you could see how his whole persona changed. He was smiling, his eyes had a sparkle, and he was standing taller. He didn’t even realize that he was visualizing.

Unfortunately when he got up to bat he was not seeing himself at his best. He struck out and the game was over.

Intention and Visualization

Before you can take an action, it must first start as an intention in your mind. Even when you do something unconsciously your mind is still actively initiating this process.

What is interesting to note is that our minds work in images not in text. If I say the word “Airplane” your mind does not start typing A, i, r, p, l, a, n, e. Instead you suddenly think of an airplane that is familiar to you. That’s why, if you read any book on memory techniques the focus is almost always on visualization.

With that understanding you can begin to move past the statement, I am not good at visualizing things. The very fact that you’re reading this post right now, demonstrates that you have the capability to visualize. If you couldn’t visualize, then all that you would see is incoherent rows of letters.

Realizing that all your actions are preceded by your mind seeing the required process, what do you need to do in order to improve your likelihood of success? Exactly. Create the right visualization..

You may be thinking, “What if what I’m visualizing can’t be done?”

Let me relate the story of Roger Bannister.

History and science indicated that it was impossible for a human body to run a mile in under four minutes. Roger Bannister understood that he could not physically push his body past its limitations, but he believed that his mind could surpass them. Bannister spent much time visualizing himself break past the four-minute barrier. Eventually the image became so embedded in his mind that when the time came to race, his mind took his body into the reality that it perceived.

Spend time reflecting on the many inventions of the past 50 years. 200 years ago these were just fantasies in peoples minds. All that we imagine has become or is on its way to becoming reality.

So, you may want to invent a new type of energy to power our cities, to greatly improve your business, or to weaken a bad habit.

How can you implement visualization to help you do this?

Reflecting Forward

One of the processes I use to help my clients is an exercise I call reflecting forward.

I ask the client to follow these six steps:

1. Be clear on your intention – What is it that you want to accomplish? What will its accomplishment do for you?

2. Decide how long would you would like this to take – Be realistic. How long do you think it should take you to work towards your objective?

3. Close your eyes and visualize yourself at that point in the future, having achieved your desired goal – You might vividly see this in your mind’s eye or it might be just an awareness. Visualization does not require seeing in detail.

4. Interview your future self – Ask your future self the steps that he took to achieve the desired goal. What where the hurdles? What were the lessons learned? What would he do if he could do it over again?

5. Return to the present and create an action plan – You have the insight of visualization; now create a concrete plan around it.

6. Take immediate action – To breath life into your endeavor, make sure you take action within the following 24 hours. Otherwise it will end up becoming a mere dream.

Conclusion

Remember that in order to create success, you have to be able to visualize it. You need to trust that you have the talents and abilities to accomplish your desired goal.

To paraphrase Dr. David Schwartz in his book, The Magic Of Thinking Big:

If you can perceive and believe, you can achieve.

Do You Belive In Magic ?

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http://pulse.ncpolicywatch.org/wp-content/uploads/Magic_wand.svg.png

When’s the last time you saw a magician and thought to yourself “Whoa. He must have super natural powers!”

Most likely part of your might mind was thinking “Cool” and the other was thinking “What tool and slight of hand did the magician employ?

To the magician there is no magic. He knows exactly what is happening. He uses his knowledge of technology, physics and human understanding to perform the trick.

So to in life, we may look at someones success and think there is an element of magic or luck in it. Especially when we feel that we should have more success than the person we are evaluating.

But in most cases there is no magic or luck there either. The successful person has been able to optimize their G-d given talents to move forward in their life.

What’s holding you back from your success is the inability to recognize your personal “Bag of Tricks”.

In coaching clients I so often here statements like;

  • I never recognized that in myself.
  • You’re right. I have accomplished a lot in my life so far.
  • Oh yeah I forgot about that time.
  • I don’t know what I am good at.
  • Yeah. I do have that going for me.
  • I guess I do have many strengths.

One of my favorite processes to help clients to reconnect with their strength is to have them share a “Freeze Frame” in their life when they felt they were completely in The Zone.
As the client tells me about the Frame, I listen for their strengths and values, I also ask the client to share what they thought some of the strengths they used at the time were.

It is rewarding to see the clients begin to brighten up when they begin to realize that they have the ability to accomplish so much more.

When you begin to realize the strengths and gifts that lie within, you will begin to move in a new direction, a place were what in the past seemed impossible, is now fully attainable.
You will begin to truly believe in magic. The magic that is you.

Be Determined With Love, Or Be Annoying.

Your Best Self No Comments »

I am currently taking part in a personal development process. It is part of an annual cycle, where every year around this time I spend 49 days trying to work on myself mentally, physically and spiritually.

The primary theme of this week is Victory and Eternalness. Its about succeeding in a way that leaves a lasting impact. Its about permanence and legacy.

The sub theme for this day is Lovingkindness. Its about generosity of spirit and a caring heart. Its about putting others before yourself.

The objective for this day is to combine Lovingkindness and Victory.

You have to be determined in order to succeed. You have to push hard, go to the edge, in order to attain victory. But if you don’t temper it with Lovingkindness you can come across as harsh, overbearing and controlling. With a pure focus on victory you can seem like a steamroller flattening everyone in your way.

Victory with Lovingkindness is about tempering your determination for victory with a thoughtful and caring nature. Being mindfull of those around you and how they can share in the process, or how they can at least be respectful and supportive of your goal.

Questions to reflect on today:

How am I going about attaining my success?

Do I approach my goals with a cold and determined focus, ignoring the voices of those around me?

Do I feel that the only way to guide the people around me is with the rod of discipline?

Do I have a “my way or the highway” attitude to fulfilling my objectives?

Do I beleive that the only way to succeed is in an emotionless abrasive manner?

Exercise for the day:

When you encounter a situation today where you have the opportunity to focus on achieving your goals and objectives. See how you can add an element of Lovingkindness to the process. It there someone who you can ask to be involved,? Is there a way you can be more encouraging and supportive? Is there different words you can use to get your message across?

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