Rob Moshe

Enjoying a reflective walk in the forest with a client yesterday, I noticed that several times he used the phrase If only.

Today as I was sitting at my computer, and as a result of a recent email, I checked a quote for a stock I once had invested in. When I sold it, I made a profit. It eventually went down to 50 cents, but today it was trading $5.

I immediately found myself thinking, If only I had kept that stock. If only I had bought more shares when it was at 50 cents.

If only… If only.

What are some of your If onlys?

• If only I would have married…
• If only I would have dated…
• If only I would have studied…
• If only I would have chosen…
• If only I had… I could have had…

Where does this type of thinking lead you?

Returning to the Past

Probably back into the past. It reminds you of choices you could have made and failures that resulted from not having made that set of choices. Perhaps it leaves you feeling frustrated or depressed, because you’re not nearly as far along as you’d like to be.

How well does this type of thinking serve you? How well does it help you get closer to achieving your goals and dreams?

As you take a moment to reflect, I am sure you realize that being frustrated with the If only’s  and What ifs of your past doesn’t serve you in a positive way. Living with past disappointments holds you back from achieving successes in the future.

So what can you do if struck by an If only?

ROAR

I’m not suggesting that you pretend you’re a lion and roar away, although I wouldn’t be surprised if that released some endorphins, made you smile and increased your overall feeling of well being.

Reflect – Take your self back to the situation. Try to understand what thoughts and feelings were at play when you made your choices.

Options – If a similar situation were to present itself again, what choices might you make? What thoughts and emotions might you draw upon?

Action – Once you decide the options that would work best, what will be your action plan when a similar situation would present itself in the future.

Reflect Forward – Imagine a time in the future when this situation presents itself again. See yourself taking Action on the Options  you have chosen. Spend the time to savor the feelings that arise from this forward reflective process.

By going through this type of process, you free yourself from the negative life impact of living in the past and instead harness your life learning to drive yourself forward to future successes.

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A businessman decides one day that he wants to create an inheritance for his family. Something that will help them in the generations to come. He choses to grow a forest. He has plenty of arid land and if he plants the forest now, in 50 years it will be a valuable resource for his descendants.

He buys 1000 Saplings and hires a worker to plant them.

The week that the project is to begin he is called out of town on business. So he shows his worker a map of his land and tells him to plant the trees while he is gone.

A week later the businessman returns anxious to see his future forest.

He asks the worker to take him to where he planted the saplings. The worker proudly takes him to the lake where he did his planting. When they arrive at the spot the businessman only sees a handful of saplings by the lake. He asks were the rest are. The worker with a confused look on his face tells the businessman that he has planted all the saplings here by the lake. It seemed like such a good place to put them right by the water, so no one would have to carry buckets of water to care for them.

The businessman asked the worker.

“Didn’t you realize that the tide would wash away the sapling from the shoreline? And besides, there is barely enough room here by the lake for 20 trees, how could you plant all 1000 right here?”

The following week after learning what was involved in planting and growing the businessman bought another 1000 saplings and explained to the worker what the forest was to look like in the future, where to plant the trees and how to care for them. Throughout the process the business man was there supervising and supporting the workers efforts.

And so it became that the dream of the businessman was realized. Fifty years later those saplings had grown into mighty pine trees. As the trees grew they released their own seeds into the land and now there were far more trees than those original 1000. It was a fine forest providing lumber, saplings and other materials for many generations to come.

Do you have vision? Do you hold a picture in your mind of what your future life will be? And if you do how is that vision expressing it self in your daily actions.

In the story the businessman is your vision of a meaningful future. A realization that action has to be taken know to ensure material/physical/spiritual success down the road.

The worker is our actions. The doing required to achieve our visions and goals.

In the story our worker (actions) failed the first time around because our businessman (vision) went away and left the worker without sufficient information. This is representative of actions taken on a fleeting vision. You here or think of something that inspires you and you rush to take action on it, but your action is without solid awareness of what is required. The result is failure, frustration and lost effort.

In the end our businessman realizes that it is more than just having a vision, he must deepen his awareness of what is involved in bringing that vision to realization. And with that clear understanding of what is involved the worker can take the proper action, and be guided by the businessman holding the vision ever present.

YOU must SEE and KNOW the forest, before you plant that first sapling.

Coaching Questions.

What is your goal?

Why is it important to you?

What information do you need to make that goal happen?

What are the action steps required to achieve your goal?

What is the first action step?

You’ve read so much.

“Think and Grow Rich” – Napoleon Hill

“The Magic of Thinking Big” – David Schwartz

“Creating Wealth” – Robert Allen

“Unlimited Power” – Anthony Robbins

“The Go-Giver” – Bob Burg and John David Mann

and so much more.

To your frustration you don’t find yourself so much further ahead than before you started reading. You’re wondering why you ever bothered reading these books in the first place, you can’t even talk about them at parties. Who wants to here your success opinions if you are not succeeding?

I’m going to share with you a three step approach that will not only move you toward success but will also save you money on books and possibly shrink your library.

What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.
- King Solomon

Step 1: It’s time to FOCUS

Have you ever reflected on how so many success books start with the same forward “Why another book on success”?

They all say the same thing. The title may be different, the text arranged in story format or pictures, but at the end of the day the message is more or less the same.
So why do the authors keep writing and we keep buying? You read a book, think the ideas are great. A few months later you see another book, you know that you have a success book at home on the shelf, but your situation hasn’t improved, so you figure it probably wasn’t that good and you decide that maybe this one will do the trick. Wrong.

There is little wrong with the book (especially if you enjoyed it), what is needed is a shift in your approach.

So for step one lets begin to focus ourselves. Choose a book from your shelf that you really enjoyed. The ideas were strong and the reading was easy. Next get out a highlighter a pen and some paper. The more you engage yourself in the book the more you will get out of it.

As you read the book highlight ideas that stand out to you. Make notes on each chapter, put it in your own words. The ideas in a 150+ page book can be condensed to around 10 pages. Take ownership of the ideas, reflect on them and work with them till they become your own.

The goal is not to cover as much ground as possible. Read one chapter at a time and really “Get it”. If you cant write out the concept in the chapter in a short sentence then go back through it until you can.

When you finish this process the concepts in the book will no longer belong exclusively to the author, they will also have become yours.

Step 2: Lets Take Action

Knowing is not enough; we must apply! – Goethe

Action is the ultimate key to your success. The reason books don’t bring us success is because we read read each chapter, like the ideas and action steps, say that we will apply them after we finish the book, finish the book put it on the shelf and forget about it. Its like getting a membership to every fitness club in the city, never going and then complaining that you are not in shape.

You have to have to apply the knowledge for it to become valuable.

So the next step in our process is to decide what to take action on. Well if you have gone through the first step, then you have some great notes and ideas on how to build your success. Go through your notes and pick three action steps that you want to focus on for the next week. When you have picked the ideas right them down on a sheet, putting the three action steps at the top of the page. Below the actions steps make a 3 X 7 table with enough room to write down a few sentences in the boxes.

Before you go to bed reflect on the action step and state your intention to develop them within your self, and in the morning do the same thing. Be aware through out the day of opportunities to apply these action steps, because the opportunities for success are always there. At the end of the day reflect on how you applied each action step, what you could improve, and what you did well. Repeat the process for a week and then add 3 more action steps. By the time a month has passed you will have taken 12-15 action steps and you will be seeing greater success.

Step 3: Accountability
If action is the key, then accountability is the lock. Action is so important you can’t move forward without it, but if you try to put the wrong key in the lock the door wont open.
There are to areas of accountability:

1. To the process – You are going to ensure that your focus and action is properly directed. You will be accountable in making sure that you choose a path and stick to it.is ensuring that your focus and action are directed towards your goal.
2. To Yourself – you have made the commitment to take action. Don’t let yourself down.

So in this final step you will need to find a way to be accountable to the process and to yourself. Accountability in the process means reflecting weekly on the overall approach you have decided to take, and to make sure that you are not negatively modifying the process. Negatively modifying means changing the process because you are lazy and looking for excuses. If you see there is a way to make the process more effective then cautiously modify.

Being accountable to yourself can be accomplished in a few ways;

You can set up strong reward motivations for your self (A new outfit, a day at the spa, concert, etc.) to help you stay on track.
Maybe when you tell others this keeps you accountable.
Blog about it.
State your commitment 2-3 times a day.
There you have it.
The end of ill used reading has arrived. The simple process of Focus, Action, Accountability, will prevent your books from becoming dusty paper weights and book end, and transform them in to powerful tools for growth and success.

Read On.

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