“I’ll never succeed.”
“What was I thinking.”
“Stop trying so hard, this is way beyond my capabilities.”
“I’m always screwing things up.”
When it comes to your Inner Critic (that voice inside your head), the list of sabotaging thoughts is endless.
Take a few moments and I’m sure you could come up with 5-6 things that your inner critic says to you.
There are two important things to realize when it comes to your inner critic.
1. You are not your inner critic
2. Your inner critic does not necessarily work in your best interest.
1. You are not your inner critic.
If you can observe it, then its not you.
Be aware of different parts of your body. Are they you? Almost all of them (brain transplants are around the corner) can be replaced, but when they are you are still you.
You are not your thoughts, you can observe them and analyze them but you are not them.
I like to think of the “you” as the “Observer” it is the awareness that is observing everything that is the real you. The thoughts that you have are often a clouded expression of the “Observer”
I realize that this is very philosophical, so for discussions sake run with me on this.
Now lets get back to the inner critic.
2. Your inner critic does not necessarily work in your best interest.
Unless properly trained your inner critic will not work in your best interest, it will work in its best interest. Change is not easy, and on a deep level we can be very resistant to change. Our IC (Inner Critic) takes that deep feeling an translates it to always keep the status quo. With this the IC will use various tactics to keep you right were your are. For example a person might be in a relationship with an abusive spouse, and they know deep down that the best thing would be to get out of the relationship, but the IC pipes up; “It’s probably your fault, you deserve this. Do you think it’s going to be any better with someone else? Think about the kids.”.
Without training your IC will do what it thinks you want. You have to set the rules.
Ultimately the IC just wants to be heard, think of that person at the party that rambles on all night without taking a breath and you have a picture of your IC.
The key is to give your IC the vocabulary that it can use.
Inform your IC that critical statements such as “you can’t, “you’re not”, “stop doing”, are off the list. Status Quo statements are also nixed, no more “you’re fine just the way you are”, “don’t bother”, “don’t push yourself so hard”.
The new format for your IC is Questions and Challenges. Questions like “What would (put in your name) look like (accomplishing ???)”, or challenges like “Is this what you mean by (accomplishing ??).
For example; Say you want to start eating more healthy. Let your IC ask the question, “What would it look like for me to be eating healthier?”. This question will cause you to reflect and respond through actions. As yourself that question when you are about to pick up that next doughnut. If your IC forgets to ask you the question and you indulge, instead of being dejected and giving up, let your IC challenge you with “Is this what eating healthy looks like?”. The challenge will cause you to strengthen your resolve and show your IC what eating healthier really is.
When you find your IC speaking in a way that debilitates you, just silence him/her and give the IC a new question or challenge to ask. Just make sure the question is something that will move you forward, and not cause you to back track.
Using this technique will not only help you overcome many challenges but will also help you to further discipline your mind and thoughts, you will find yourself having a greater sense of contentedness and calm.
